Turning Pain Into Purpose

Author: Rovialyn Arciaga

High school felt like it was a balancing act. The mental illnesses that I live with are burdens that many people cannot see or understand. Rather than finding support, I often received comments from others that belittled my lived experiences. I still recall the words of my high school counselor, "You won't go far—," she began, the syllables slow and drawn out, "—if you don't get things sorted out." It was a disappointment to hear this and reminded me of how mental health can often be misunderstood. I questioned whether my dreams were too ambitious for the reality of day-to-day life.

Living with diagnoses involves two levels of struggles: first, inner struggles and learning to live with symptoms; and second, external judgment. I often experienced reactions, rather than understanding. I wasn't permitted to serve as president of a student-run organization of which I was deeply interested. I was denied a trip that I had earned. I was advised that my mental health was too great of a liability. What others did or didn't think about me influenced me in feeling less worthy and less capable at times. These negative experiences chipped away at my confidence and caused me to doubt that I would be successful while managing my mental health.

With each setback, the sense of failure was stronger, and a reminder that I was incapable of balancing my aspirations in conjunction with the complex web of symptoms that I was just learning to manage. Now, being a pre-medical student experiencing a demanding major, I sometimes feel incapable. It is during these moments that I recall my high school experiences.

I find myself in university within a setting that truly values mental health, with a support system that keeps me afloat. For the first time in my life, I feel seen and supported, and grateful for a place to exist that recognizes mental health care as part of success. This journey has shaped my path. I strive to become a psychiatrist, to be able to diagnose and treat a patient rather than symptomatic treatment. My goal is to help others in ways that I needed when I was younger. I want people to understand that they are so much more than their mental illnesses and the limitations they may experience.

All that I've learned couldn't have come from formal education. My lived experiences enabled me to develop empathy. Now, I advocate for mental health, as I know that access to safe spaces are vital, and that we need more people fighting for and with those struggling with mental illnesses.

To others reading this—know that dreams often come with struggles, and that struggles aren't weaknesses. Your struggles enable empathy, resilience, and strength. The most difficult of journeys can reveal courage. So, embrace your journey and keep going. Your strength lies not in how easy the path is but in your choice to keep moving, one day at a time. When I recall my high school counselor's words, I shift to thinking that I am enough, and will go far as long as I remember my passion and purpose.

Mental Health Resources Curated by Research Girl, Inc.

• Find confidential resources at samhsa.gov/find-help including the mental health and substance use disorder (SUD) treatment finder, and disaster crisis counseling resources for survivors of natural or human-caused disasters.

• For emotional support, call or text "988" or online chat with caring crisis counselors at 988lifeline.org. The 988 Lifeline website offers prevention and crisis resources for you and/or loved ones, and resources for minoritized and marginalized communities, including youth; Black, Indigenous, and People of Color (BIPOC); lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer or questioning, intersex, and asexual (LGBTQIA+) individuals; neurodivergent and disabled individuals; and veterans and service members.

  
  

• If these resources do not meet your needs and you are still at risk for harm from yourself or others, call 911 or go to your local emergency room.

  
  

• International mental health helplines and resources in more than 130 countries are available at findahelpline.com.